The Vacuum

As I retired I deliberately sought to separate myself from my professional life as an academic. I gave almost all my professional books to the library. I tossed (or recycled) nearly all my paper files, journals, manuscripts (my own and others), and miscellaneous detritus from a professional academic life. My thought was to treat this next phase as an opportunity to explore and embark on new and different life, not simply a winding down or part-time extension of what I've been doing for 25+ years. We spent a busy summer moving to a new house (which involved more purging of personal paper, objects, memoriabilia, and unneeded belongings) and then preparing the old house for selling (which involved organizing or doing painting, floor refinishing, pressure washing, cleaning, repairing, replacing, etc.). The house is about to be listed. This summer I also enjoyed a 40th college reunion, a week-long retreat at Kripalu learning how to play harmonica in a mindful, beautiful, spiritual setting, and my nephew's wedding on Kent Island (which involved a lot of driving back and forth, including transporting my 90-year old mom), followed by a few lovely days with some sibs and cousins at Bethany Beach. Now that's all over, and a huge vacuum faces me which wants to be filled. I am forced to confront my same old issues which have immediately started looming. There are so many things I could try, directions I could take, new versions of myself I could envision. WalterMitty-esque, I visualize myself as a successful author of well-written entertaining murder mysteries with deeper layers. Or, working with middle school girls in my community inspiring them to pursue STEM careers. Or, applying my project management skills to helping the Humane Society shut down puppy mills, dog-fighting, illegal importation of exotic animals, and other forms of animal advocacy. Or, applying my various skills and experience to save the Chesapeake Bay (whatever that would be). Each time I am confronted with my long and well-practiced legacy of negative thinking - I worry whether I could really be effective - should I even try? So that brings us to another plan, which is to pull together and regularly practice everything I've learned about meditation and neuroscience and finally changing the programming in my brain. How do I get moving in that direction ...?